Today is my last day in France; and while I have been so frustrated by not finishing my blog before returning to the States, there are other things to think about. I know that I will put up my last post of this journey within the first week of being home, and what does it change that it wasn't finished while I was here? I know what I have seen, the things I have experienced, the people I have met, and the foods I have eaten- I won't forget the details of every day on this 123-day journey for as long as I live! The last thing I want to say before I part for home is this: thank you! There have been moments on my trip where I have felt thoroughly alone and out of place in the world, and it has provided indescribable comfort for me to be able to think of the people in my life who care about me and are excited for my experience. I'm sure I've mentioned before that I think about my friends and family (you) often in the day-to-day here, but I imagine that some of you read those statements as me thinking only of my mom, dad, siblings, neighbors, and close friends. If you have played a part in my life at all, if you have talked to me about my trip, been excited for me, or are someone I have seen every now and then at home, it might surprise you how often YOU have crossed my mind over the past four months. I have done so much growing up in this time, and one of the most important realizations I have had is how to look at the words, acts, gifts, and gestures of kindness that have been given to me- even in passing- with adult eyes. I learned to read deeper meaning and value into simple phrases like, "I am so excited for you Samantha!" and therefore have learned to appreciation them and the people who say them that much more. Thank you.
Lastly, I would love to share with you the most important thing I have learned from my time here. Ready? It's companionship. I have learned the importance of companionship, the different forms of companionship, and what it means to be a companion. In coping with moments of solitude, confusion, frustration, fear, and discomfort by myself I have learned how to be my own companion. At the beginning of the trip I had to sit down with and face myself with no other distractions present, and it was not easy. But eventually, we grew more comfortable with each other and at some point we shook hands and said, "let's talk." This has been an incredibly important lesson: how to be my own companion. This means having comfort in one's own skin, and when other people just suddenly are not there for you, you don't really feel that alone. You have a companion in yourself- it is a wonderful gift.
I have also learned to treasure the people who act as companions beside myself. Those people who come along for the ride and as I have experienced new things, are honest enough to open their first impressions and thoughts up to me- simply to share a piece of themselves with me in moments of honesty. It is consistently a unique and fulfilling experience when I find a companion in someone and we share our true thoughts, feelings, and impressions with each other. Sometimes it is a simple moment that is passed by sharing stories; sometimes we're seeing the same impressively old and beautiful structure and don't mind shedding tears of awe in front of the other. I have found this to be precious and am truly excited to apply this to the rest of my life when I interact with others. I like this companionship thing- I have decided to bring this home with me.
I love all of you very much, and I thank you again for the kindness, compassion, and love you have given me- not necessarily over the last four months, but in general. I land in SFO tomorrow (Wednesday, the 4th) at 6:06p! I will be completely thrilled to see every single one of you over the next couple of weeks of readjustment!!
For now,
Au revoir :)
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